New NFL Snitch Rule: PR Move, PED Resolution or Resume Builder?

“The NFL Management Council may, prior to the conclusion of a Player’s appeal, reduce the length of the suspension and corresponding bonus forfeiture by up to 50% when the Player has provided full and complete assistance (including hearing testimony if required) to the Management Council which results in the finding of an additional violation of the Policy by another Player, coach, trainer or other person subject to this Policy,” states the NFL’s newest policy.

The league really thought this was a good idea. They really did.

Do PEDs probably run rampant through the league? Sure — with millions of (non-guaranteed) dollars on line, of course they do. This is a shocking move when you think about it. What’s the bigger issue for the league? Players taking PEDs or players getting caught taking PEDs?

Players taking PEDs is like a ordering a burrito from a rundown bodega. To the uninitiated, that mystery meat is just added flavor. However, the second you find out just what goes into that mystery meat, your stomach starts to turn.

But let’s sidebar the gross burrito talk and discuss the underlying issues at hand…

The policy not only throws gasoline on an already-fiery relationship between players and the league, but it is also clearly designed to strengthen Roger Goodell’s resume for his future career as a prison warden.

It’s not hard to see what’s going on here. The NFL hadn’t been in the news for weeks. Sure, we heard about Edelman getting popped for allegedly taking PEDs, but that was nothing compared to the incessant super-team-related NBA bellyaching. Roger knows what he’s doing though. He pulled in his team of trusted associates, paused and began, “guys…people are mad at the NBA right now, but WE’RE the bad guy. I can’t have this happening…what do we do?”

Alas, they locked the door and resolved not to leave until they had some stupid shit to get the people talking. They brainstormed, thinking back to some of Roger’s previous chess moves: acting as judge, jury, executioner in player conduct issues, botching every DV case under the sun, being the incendiary force on race relations via his national anthem policies, etc.

Suddenly, a bolt of genius struck Roger – a PED snitch rule! Not only does the policy help recirculate negative league news, it also illuminates the painfully obvious parallel between Roger and a prison warden.

Let’s go through a checklist here:

  • Autonomous power in doling out punishment:
  • Denouncing rights given by the constitution:
  • A snitch rule:

Yup, commissioner Warden Goodell has done it again, drawing attention to all of the wrong things. SPOILER ALERTY: it has rubbed the players the wrong way! Who knew…

Usually there’s a method to the madness of a billion dollar business. Not for the life of me could I figure out what Goodell and the NFL are trying to achieve with this policy. I’m left to believe Goodell is resume-building for a future career at CoreCivic, which, ironically, is pretty much the only career change that could increase his yearly salary.

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